Ghosting says far more about us than words would
The Daily Scramble #2: Notes on respecting people’s time from someone who’s wasted a lot of it
For a big part of my early-to-mid twenties (*cough cough* and later twenties), my naïveté had led me to believe that no longer responding to people’s messages was just a normal, socially accepted part of our digital lives.
A quick exit that requires very little to no effort, without seemingly any consequences.
After all, what’s not to like about this approach to ignoring a human being whom we wish to never speak to nor see again?!
“Movies made me do it.”
We’ve relied on our digital devices to express our emotions (or lack thereof) so much so that it’s become far too easy to be dishonest about them. Without being in the physical presence of others, consistently lying about why we can’t make the next date, for instance — each message further spread out from the previous one until radio silence kicks in — is child’s play.
And oh Lord do we all very well know that when someone does respond and begins to consistently leave us with a short “Pretty good.” or “Sure.”, something’s up.
Especially when that full stop is in display.
Despite having been ghosted myself on numerous occasions, and knowing exactly how it feels to be ignored without a single word as to why that was (consequently playing demoralizing scenarios in my head to think of a logical reason), I continued telling myself for years that ghosting someone I no longer wished to spend time with was “better for everyone” instead of having the uncomfortable, adult conversation about the state of things.
We get annoyed and frustrated when recruiters and potential employers cease to answer our inquisitive emails about when the next interview might possibly be, yet we don’t think twice about doing essentially the same to others.
Why is that?
The reality is, ghosting is a massive waste of time and respect — for everyone.
Our silence says we don’t have the dignity within ourselves to be upfront about the obvious fact that we’re not all meant for each other (excluding psychos and stalkers from this analysis.)
The solution to all such problems — which should never be seen as problems to begin with — comes down to simple, basic, human-to-human communication 101.
Being truthful, mature, and allowing the other person to move on to better and more suitable relationships.
Instead of wasting their time by letting them overthink about why we’re not answering messages as quickly or with as many emojis as we used to, be honest and let them go.
Of course, it’s one thing to be truthful about one’s feelings; it’s another to put them into words that won’t utterly destroy the other person’s soul (or at least that’s what many of us tell ourselves when attempting to rationalize why we shouldn’t have that conversation at all.)
If you don’t feel physically nor emotionally attracted to whoever you’ve recently spent time with, let them know you just don’t see this connection coming down a path beyond a good genuine friendship.
If a job candidate isn’t the right fit, tell them the company has moved on to a more suitable applicant as soon as you know.
Respect other people’s time just as much as you would want them to respect yours.
Help them move on.
What’s this Daily Scramble about?
There’s a whole lot going on in my head, as you must very well relate, my dear virtual friend. The Daily Scramble 🔄 🍳 is a series about — wait for it — scrambling for articulate ways to put all those burgeoning thoughts around personal development & growth, career, and humanity into reflective words, packaged in short daily articles. P.S. there really needs to be a scrambled egg emoji.
Thank you for tuning in. See you tomorrow for another egg-citing read 🥚
